How can it be that something so blissfully easy, so exciting and perfectly harmonious can just evaporate in the space of a sentence? A sentence that she does not have a clue of the significance, and that he chooses not to illuminate or even ask for clarification. And then two weeks of her probing for the source of his discontent and of him scapegoating every other fault in his life except the one that matters in the context of the relationship. Until she wakes up one morning and knows that he has been lying and the source of his discontent is her. And she forces him to explain and then explains herself and she asks him if he wants to end it, and he says - no...he just needs some time.
But she knows in her heart of hearts that it is too late. She can feel it...or rather, she can't feel it any more. And what breaks her heart...breaks it into tiny pieces...is knowing that it truly didn't have to be this way. Had she even an inkling she never would have said what she did. Had he trusted her a little more, she would have explained that. But she didn't, and he didn't...and time passed. And the more time that passes, the more hope she loses that they are doing anything but delaying the inevitable.
And so she is broken...and she is having trouble trying to see how to pick up the pieces.
And then someone smashed the window of her unlocked car to steal nothing...she leaves nothing inside... and she's having trouble not seeing these events as some sort of karmic punishment but merely as a terrible coincidence. And she's having trouble motivating herself to leave her house. And she's having trouble knowing in her heart that she can be happy again. She's having trouble seeing anything but her own grief, her own self-pity and her own self-blame. She feels like she's lost her fight.
3 comments:
Oh no oh no!
I'm so sorry. Give me a call if you want a shoulder to cry on or anything.
Aw. Want to come visit? Or can you make it to Miami in March?
i dont think it was the one sentence that caused this. sounds like it was just the "assination of the archduke ferdinand" that lauched world word 1.
anyways...i am sending good and healing vibrations your way. Oh and um, love sucks...sometimes.
"when your high, you never want to come down"- axl rose
I don't think that one sentence caused this either. But every river has its headwaters, and this one originated in a single sentence.
One sentence does not have the power to change your life...it's the way we choose to deal with it (or not)that is ultimately formative.
I can sit here and imagine a dozen other scenarios that could have resulted from that sentence, but it would be all for naught. He handled it the way he handled it, and I handled it the way I handled it, and that cannot be changed.
All that can be hoped for is that we can disentagle ourselves without hurting eachother even more.
Post a Comment