I returned from my weekend away feeling quite refreshed actually, drew a bubble bath and my world came crashing down yet again. I don't want to get into it...I'm actually tired of talking about it...but I have learned a few things over the past few days.

One: It always amazes me how when you are in a state...a mood, sometimes you hear a song and it just is you...just is exactly how you feel and who you are at the moment.
Tegan and Sarah have this song called There's Still Time. It is me right now...every bloody word.

Two: Sometimes winning doesn't make you feel as good as you think it will. I had a dispute at work yesterday...returned home to 3 completely horrendous emails from a colleague that I have a great working relationship with. He essentially accused me of negligence and incompetence and all of these other things. He was wrong. I was irate...livid...so angry I couldn't see straight. So I call him and leave this message for him telling him that we have to talk. And then I spend four hours planning out exactly how this conversation is going to go, and how I'm going to tell him how disrespected I feel, and how I refused to work under such conditions etc etc. And then I saw him and the first thing he did was apologize and take responsibility for the entire dispute. But I'd spent four hours compiling this argument, so I plowed forward. Nothing mean, no blame...I fought fair. But he is going through a lot of stuff at home right now with his very pregnant wife, and lots of other difficulties. And by the time I got through my prepared speech he was so defeated...and as he walked away, clearly the loser in the argument (I got my apology, I was vindicated, I won)...I felt terrible. It's a fine balance - standing up for yourself vs. just being mean spirited.