(Un)Familiarity.

Hmmm...1AM...writing a paper that's due tomorrow. It's been a long time since I've been here. I have "fond" memories of pulling all-night paper writing parties with my roommates in university. Each of us in our own corner; frantically writing and smoking, writing and smoking; sporadically testing out seemingly brilliant phrases on eachother; round of cheers for each additional page written; willing the printer to spew pages just a bit faster; screeching up to the school, abandoning the car - doors open, keys still in the ignition - and sliding the paper into the drop box just as the secretary is packing up to go home. It was always so satisfying to see a classmate running up the stairs as you were strolling down. Kind of got a bit smug - ha...so I wasn't the last one.
OK, so not that much drama this time around. The paper will be finished in plenty of time...but it does bring back memories.

So I have to buy a Xmas present for the new man friend. Admittedly, commitmentphobic me is somewhat wary about this new development. It'll be a month...ONE month...uno...un...yi...a single...and now we're buying presents?? But I talked to the friend, the set-us-up matchmaking friend, and apparently MF was probing her for ideas. He used the word "we" tonight too. So casually, "My sister wanted "us" to come tobogganing tonight, but I told her that "we" couldn't make it tonight because "we" were busy." And I say "Oh, that's too bad...I would love to go! It sounds like fun!"...but I'm thinking - Who's busy? I'm busy...I'm writing my paper. But you're not busy...so who's we? He and me...that's what he meant. So what does that mean? Does that mean girlfriend?? Admittedly I've tried it on a few times these past couple of days, just a couple of test runs in a safe environment - "Boyfriend brought me flowers to cheer me up", "I made boyfriend chicken soup on Friday because he was sick." I think the hives are starting to go down now...And what does he mean - his sister wants "us" to come? So his sister knows about me? We're going to double date with his sister? Sisters don't like their brother's girlfriends...I don't cope well with that...I am NOT used to NOT being liked! And there's that word again - girlfriend. He wants me to meet f-a-m-i-l-y?? Breathe Lindz, just breathe...serenity now...count to ten...ommm.


And though my instinct is to booty-call old MF in order to sabatoge this new situation, I am going to fight the instinct. I like this new one. He knows I'm neurotic, he's dealing with my exam anxiety, he says he can handle it. He's so calm, and steady and trusting of everything: me, our relationship, life. He knew I was working late tonight, and he works the night shift, so he suprised me with coffee on his Tim Horton's run. He's good, this one.
So, if it means that I have to buy a gift after only a month...then I'll buy a gift after only a month. See...heart rate is slowing, eye is ceasing to twitch...see, you can do this! It's funny cause it's only when I'm not with him that I'm neurotic...when I'm left to stew with my own thoughts and envision all the scenarios in which the rug gets pulled out from under me and I get screwed.
So...a gift...I've got part of it under control, but I'm not so confident in the rest of it...has to be thoughtful, yet not too personal...and the type-A in me says "self, you are NOT a crappy gift-giver...get it right" and so I stress. I mean I'm the person that starts shopping for Xmas in June so that I get it right. I have a gift drawer...I've bought wedding gifts for my friends who are yet to be coupled and baby gifts for my friends yet to be impregnated. Type A...that's what I said. Thoughtful, and yet not too personal....right...